Blaise's Troubles
by EchoDeltaNine
Summary: A 15 year old boy struggles with his older brother, father, sister, and girlfriend in his Texas town. His troubles get wider and wider as he tries to seclude himself. A mix of Tex, The Outsiders, Travis, Mark, and RustyJames
1. Chapter 1

Alright. Okay. I'll admit that it isn't the first time I've been sent to ol' Dean Thomas's office. The swatting I was going to get, and the lecture, and the punishment from both Thomas and my father were well worth it for what I'd pulled off. I could hardly choke back the laughter, and my eyes were tearing up with the strain of not busting out, which would put me in even more trouble than I ought to be in.

I sat with my legs stretched out in the hall, and between classes, my friends and the kids from other grades congratulated and cheered for me. Man, I hadn't thought that I'd have eaten it up like I was.

I got so board waiting for Thomas to call me into his office that I pulled my hat down over my eyes, and that just added to his annoyance when he found I was sleeping.

"Mr. Baker," he kept repeating 'till he finally had to shake me awake. I got in extra trouble for the hat. A bit stupid, if you ask me. Thomas wouldn't give that hat back to me, and it hacked me off something awful.

"Mr. Baker," Thomas started, and I instantly began to tune him out until he said the words, "you're suspended for the rest of this week." My jaw dropped open. Of all the things I've ever done in this lazy Texas town, I have never been suspended. Ever. "Don't look at me like that, Mr. Baker. You've been asking for it, and now you're going to get it. I'd have thought now that you're fifteen you'd realize when to stop, and when it's not funny. You're father was called at work, and will be here shortly."

Man, did my face ever pale. Thomas wore glasses, and I could see my reflection in them. The only thing I was ever scared of was my father. The man just didn't know when to quit. He'd whip out his belt sometimes so fast that it cracked before it even touched us. A couple swats I could take, but now... My brother, Dodger, had gotten suspended once for getting in a fight, and when he and Dad finally came out of the bedroom, Dodge couldn't sit at all. His face had been tear stained, and it was the only time I'd ever seen him cry. The bruises formed into blisters, and Dad made him stay home from school so as not to arise suspicion. And another time, my sister, Jessi, had to call home because she forgot to do an assignment, and when Dad was done with her, she had to tell her friends that she and me and Dodge had gotten into it and that we accidentally hit her. Damn if Dad ever took credit for what he did to us. I'd only been beaten once before, and that was when I came home at four in the morning after I'd been at a party. My back and butt were so sore the next week that it was all I could do to keep from crying every time I had to sit down.

"Mr. Thomas," I pleaded. "Can't you just give me a month of detention or something? Please!?"

"I'm sorry, Blaise. Detention won't cut it this time. You've gone to far." Man, did that ever shut me up. I ended up spending the next twenty minutes cowering in my chair. When people I knew walked by, I felt ashamed at the way I looked. My hair was matted with sweat, and my shirt was soaked in it. I was clammy, and I couldn't stop shaking.

When Dad finally came into the school, it was all I could do to not get up and run and hide in the gym or some classroom; the glare he gave me, and the 'you're in deep shit' look I got made me so nervous that I was sure I'd pass out, or wet myself, or both.

"Blaise," Thomas came back after talking with Dad for about fifteen minutes. "We'd like to see you to discuss your punishment."

"You mean that I get suspended and get another punishment?"

"You sure aren't going to just get off the hook, if that's what you're thinking."

"No, it wasn't." Yeah, it sure as hell was. Like I said, I'd never been suspended before.

It took me like five minutes to inch into Thomas's office. I was so scared, and the look on Dad's face didn't help at all either. Thomas made me sit next to Dad, even when I pressed myself against the wall as far away from him as I could get and still be in the room. I didn't understand how he couldn't tell that I didn't want to be by that man. It drove me nuts, waiting as they talked. My punishment ended up being three days of out of school suspension, and then a month of after school detention after that. I still hadn't stopped shaking by the time Thomas told me to go and wait in the hall again. The last bell of the day rang, and my friends filed by. A couple of girls stopped by on their way out, but I didn't even have the guts right then to try and sweet talk them. I didn't even think that I'd be able to open my mouth with out throwing up, so instead I just smiled and nodded my head when they asked me if I was in big trouble.

"See you around, Blaze," they said as Thomas and Dad came back out. I nodded again, but couldn't find the strength to look at either of the men glowering over me.

"Blaise," I made myself look at Thomas. "Let's not have a repeat of this incident. I want you here first thing in my office Monday morning. No excuses."

"Yessir," I said. Man, I'd never noticed the drawl, er, the "swagger" in my voice until it was gone. The words came out in a high pitched kind of squeak, just like it did when my voice was changing, and it sounded real funny. It still is, changing I mean, but it's not so bad now.

"He's all yours, Mr. Baker."

"Thank you, Mr. Thomas. If anything else ever happens, be sure to give me a call."

"It's nice, or should I say not?, to see you again. Behave yourself, Blaise."

"Yessir," I repeated. Dad waited until Thomas was in his office with the door closed before he started in on me.

"Blaise Matthew Baker. What in hell have I taught you about behavior?"

"Don't act up or I'll get whipped."

"Damn right." I flinched as he grabbed the neck of my shirt and hauled me up by it. "Get out to the truck and on the way home, you can humor me with the apparently hilarious stunt you pulled today."

Man, when you've gotta tell your crazy Dad what the hell you'd been doing that day to get you suspended, you knew you weren't in a good position. The story actually was funny, but when you're scared half to death, it don't sound so funny.

"Start talkin', Blaise. If you don't tell me the same story that Mr. Thomas gave me, you gonna be so sore that you ain't gonna be able to sleep."

I gulped. I hated being threatened, and it just wasn't my nature to sit and let someone have a go at me. It was real hard keeping myself from slugging that man. I hated him. I didn't just realize that either. I knew the first time I ever saw him hit Dodge. I'd been about three or four (I don't even know how I remembered from that long ago). Dodge had been about five or six, and he had gotten a C on his report card (don't ask me why, he's real smart, and usually helps me with mine even though he hadn't even taken those classes when he was in ninth grade). Dad had belted him so hard that the neighbors called and asked if everything was okay because he was screaming so loud. I hated him so bad, and Dodge had only just turned seventeen, so we weren't going nowhere for a while.

"Alright," I started, and went on to tell him about what I'd done. I got here early this morning hitching a ride from some guy on his way to town. When I'd got to school, they weren't letting people in, so I decided to kill some time by stirring up trouble. First, I hid behind some bushes and cussed a couple of the teachers out. After that, I stood by the basketball court and tripped the star players as they were getting ready to practice. But the real kicker was when I managed to put a couple of tacks on my science teacher's chair, and when I snuck into the typing lab and glued caps to all the keys on the typewriters. The noise was tremendous, and seeing how I was cracking up before it even happened, I was the prime suspect.

It sounded real stupid as I told Dad what I'd done. He got real pissed when I told him about cussing out the teachers because they had been girl teachers. I don't usually swear at women, but I was just high off of the change in season.

I found out that Dad didn't think it was only stupid, but it was terribly wrong. Apparently the story I told wasn't the "whole" story, so I got beat extra hard and long for it. After he was done belting me, Dad told Dodge and Jessi that they could talk to me, but I couldn't get up and if I started to cry to let him know (he didn't like us crying. He said it was 'a sign of weakness'). He picked up his keys and went out to go drink at a bar and play poker with some friends. As soon as was out the door I let loose a torrent of tears. Man, I had never, I mean _never_ hurt as bad as I was hurting now. I'd been in a couple rumbles, and I'd been sliced down my side clear to my ribs, and I had _never_ hurt this bad. I heard Bass, our Australian Shepard dog, squeal as that goddamn man kicked him on his way to the truck. As soon as the rumble from the engine had faded off, I stood up and yelled, "you goddamn bastard. I don't ever want to see your goddamn face again."

Man, I was mad. I kicked the wall and ended up with a sore toe to go along with my aching back and butt.

"Blaise?" I turned around Jessi was tearing up, too. "What's gonna happen, Blaise? What's going to happen?"


	2. Chapter 2

-1

Jessi was turning thirteen next week, and she hadn't cried since that day Dad beat her up.

"I don't know," was my reply. I stroked my fingers through her hair and she calmed down a bit.

"Blaise, let me see your back."

"I don't think so, Dodge. I can barely stand havin' my shirt rub against my back when I'm movin'. I ain't gonna touch it now."

"Then I will."

"The hell you will. You ain't touchin' me. No sir, you ain't touchin' me."

"Blaze... You gotta let me see it." That got me. Dodger never called me 'Blaze'. It was always 'Blaise'. There is a difference. My name is Blaise, but my eyes are such a burning ray of yellow and orange and red (don't ask how in hell I got those colored eyes, 'cause I don't know) that my friends and everybody besides the teachers call me Blaze. Every once in a while I'll get 'Hey, what's up Blazy Crazy?' I got a reputation of being crazy. I'd beat this guy up in the seventh grade through blind fury, so I got a bad rep. I don't usually care what people think of me, but it's different when it comes to girls.

I got me a girl right now, her name's Ashley, but I'm thinking of breaking up with her. She's real great and all, a tough little broad, but she sure ain't who I plan to spend the rest of my life with. She yells at me all the time, and if I ain't paying as much attention to her as she wants she'll yell some more. We got in a big fight last week, and we ain't talked in about that long. She just called once to cuss me out, but said nothing more. I don't understand why, she's gonna break up with me sooner or later if I don't do it first.

I don't see it, but people say that I'm good-looking. Handsome even. I've got a crazy combination of blonde and red hair, and it don't lay flat worth nothing. My eyes are usually so intense that they scare people (even the teachers). And I hate the God-awful dimples I have when I smile. They bug the hell out of me because all the girls just gush about it and they think it's _cute_. Well, I sure don't. When you're a tough greaser cowboy, there ain't nothing cute about you. Now, when I say greaser, I mean I got some pretty bad habits. I picked them up from the movies me and Dodge go see with our girls. The ladies seem to like it, and it sure is hard not to act like 'em. My teeth ain't straight, and I got a fake one that was kicked out when I was charged by a horse. My build's alright. My shoulders aren't as broad as Dodgers or as Dad's, but I'm gaining on both of them in height. My legs are longer then I think they have a right to, and I'm always tripping people without meaning to. Man, I get yelled at all the time for tripping people... I'm skinny. Man, am I skinny. You can see my ribs usually with my shirt off, but that's about it. I got a lot of muscle. Okay, so maybe I ain't skinny. Whatever.

"Blaise, are you gonna let us help you?"

"Yeah," I muttered reluctantly. "You're gonna help me." I laid down on our old beat up couch and Dodger lifted up my shirt.

"Man, he sure got you good, didn't he?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," I muttered crossly.

"Sorry, buddy. I didn't mean it like that, it's just-"

"Shut up, Dodge," Jessi stepped up. "I don't want to hear you talkin', and neither does Blaise. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Good, now what are we gonna do about this?"

"Blaise, you wanna bath?" Dodge asked me. Why on earth would I want a bath? What-? Sometimes I just didn't get him. "I'll go run ya one. It might make you less sore."

"Yeah, sure," I said into the dusty cushion. "Hey, do you guys think you could feed Bass and Austin for me?"

"Yeah, little buddy," Dodger said. "Yeah we'll feed 'em." Austin was my horse. He was a beaut, and I loved him more than almost anything. I'd had him for about three years now, and I rode him everyday. Now, though, I think I'll have to skip out on riding him for a little bit. Now, Bass. He's my dog. He ain't Dodger's or Jessi's or Dad's. He's _mine_. That dog puts up with anything I do to him. He nips at anybody else but me. I know, his name is kind of funny, but when we got him we were around some record store and all I could remember was the bass line in some jazzy script that sounded real cool. That's how he got his name. He was usually my only protection. Like I've said. I don't get beat often, and it's 'cause of Bass. (He once held off a couple of rots last year by his lonesome, and he's probably the only reason I'm alive today). He usually keeps Dad off pretty well. His bite is much worse than his bark, believe me. He don't bark often, but he growls like a damn grizzly and scares everyone, sometimes even me.

I heard Jessi run the bath water and Dodger went outside. Bass shot in the door before Dodge could keep him out. He ran up to me and laid down by the couch.

"C'mon, Bass," Dodger said.

"Aw, c'mon. Let him stay."

"If Dad catches that damn dog in here you're as good as dead."

"Just for a bit. Please?"

"Just 'till I get back after feedin' the horses. Then he's out. Got

it?"

"Yeah. But, don't yell, I got a headache and it hurts somethin' awful."

"Alright. I'll be back in a bit. Blaise, make sure you wash them sores pretty good. They look real bad, and I know they hurt, but I don't want you havin' to go to the hospital for them. Okay?"

"Yeah." I'd mind my brother faster than anything. He was more like a father should be, and I knew he'd make a great one. I wish he were my dad. He treats me right, and he lets me stay up past my bedtime on school nights if I don't got any homework, and-

"If you're hurtin' anymore when I get back, or after you get home from school, wait 'till he's out of the house to tell me. Okay?"

"Why?" I looked at him curiously. His face was grim and set and I could practically see the wheels and gears turning in his head.

"If it still hurts I'm callin' social services. He ain't gonna hurt any of us like that no more. I ain't takin' it, and I sure as hell ain't gonna watch him do it to you and Jessi." -he cares about me. Dad don't, but I'm glad Dodger does. He looked at me skeptically for a moment and said, "Blaise. You gotta understand that if we get Dad in trouble, he won't be able to hurt us no more. He'll be on probation or somethin' like that, and he won't be allowed to hit us. Don't worry about gettin' in trouble to tell me. I'll get beat if he finds out. Not you."

"I ain't goin' no where." I said softly. I threaded my fingers through Bass's fur and scratched him behind the ears.

"What?"

"I ain't goin' no where tomorrow."

"Why?"

"'Cause I got suspended. What I did today got me in so much trouble that they suspended me."

"Oh," Dodge thought for a moment. "Then I guess that you'd have to wait 'till I got home..."

"Can't you take me with you? You can drop me off in town or something on your way to school and come pick me up afterwards. Please? I don't wanna be alone with Dad tomorrow. I ain't gonna deal with him whippin' me like that."

Dodge thought about it for a full minute. I got antsy and tried to get up, but changed my mind when I felt the darts of pain shoot through my body. "I don't know where you'd go, Blaise. I ain't got nothin' against you comin', but... I don't know what I'd do for you."

"Yeah, okay. Whatever." Jessi came back out and told me that my bath was ready. "Thanks, Jess. Uh, hey Dodger?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think you could put your one man tent out below the window tonight, and d'you think you could make a three day provision pack or somethin' like that?"

"I could. But I gotta know why."

"I told you I ain't staying here with Dad. After he leaves I'm gonna take Austin, and I'm gonna take ol' Bass here, and I'm gonna take dog food, and feed, and what ever you make me, and I'm gonna stay out by the gorge and that old stream we found 'till Saturday."

"You're gonna ride like that?"

"Hell no, but I ain't takin' any chances with him hurtin' my

horse or my dog. Is that so bad?"

"It is if he finds you," Jessi whispered, and I didn't realize she had been listening to this conversation. "If he finds you he'll kill you for sure."

"I know, but I'll take this chance, and maybe I'll worry him so much he won't ever hit me, or whip me again."

"Maybe he'll do it more."

"He won't." We both looked at Dodger. "Remember that time I ran away and stayed with that guy in the city? He hasn't hit me barely at all since then. Maybe a smack or two across my face because of my mouth, but nothin' serious like what he did to Blaise, here."

"Yeah," I realized it now. "He hasn't hit you since then, has he?" Dodge nodded.

"If I do this, you gotta promise me that you'll be careful." I nodded. "I'll come out and see you around four o'clock. You gotta watch, buddy?" I nodded again. "Good. Now, how are you gonna get where you're goin' if you ain't gonna ride?"

"I'll walk."

"It'll be just as painful."

"I don't gotta carry nothin'. Austin will, and it ain't that heavy. But promise me, both of you, that you won't tell him where I went. If he comes out lookin' for me, don't tell him where I am. I wish we had a way to communicate of somthin'... I'm just worried that I'll get my ass kicked if I'm found. I'm sore enough as it is..."

"Yeah, we won't tell him. I gotta go feed these horses, and I'll pack up some stuff for you. I'll put it under the trash can underneath our window. You be careful, punk."

"Love you too, Rumble Man." It was kind of a little joke we had between each other. We grinned, and I felt kind of better. Anyway, that joke. Like I said about the movies, we got some bad habits. One day we got so mad at each other that I socked it to him and almost broke his nose. He'd sworn at me and said "You goddamn punk!" So now I'm punk. And, like I've said, we've gotten in a few rumbles before, and in the gang we're in, he's the leader, and we call him Rumble Man. Jessi and Dad don't know nothing about it, and it's probably a good thing too, because we'd been in some serious trouble before.

"Alright, I gotta feed these horses. Blaise, I want you to take a bath. Wash up good, and when I come back that dog's outta here. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'll be back soon." He walked out the door and I dropped my wet face into the cushion again.

_a/n: okay, sorry about this chapter…. It sounds kind of random at the beginning, but I didn't originally separate it into chapters, so it's kind of hard to pick places to end the next one. I'll try and do a better job, thank you for those of you who review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_a/n: this chapter will seem really, really weird, and kind of random again…. I have a problem with that, everything seems a bit random, so sorry if you don't like it. In the chapters to come it will seem like that, too, but I've already written until like, halfway through, so I can't exactly go back and make drastic changes. One part will sound kinda corny, but I couldn't figure out how to work it out better, so it's how it is here...Again, sorry, and please enjoy._

"Blaise? Your bath's ready."

"Yeah. Okay. Can you help me up?" Jessi helped me, and I went in after telling her that I didn't need her helping me. Turns out I did. I'd managed to get my shirt and pants off, but it was way too painful to get my underwear off, so I didn't feel ashamed or anything as she came into the bathroom as I was sitting in the tub with them on.

"Blaise, you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. I'm gonna wash these on your back. It'll hurt, but I gotta do it." I nodded, then almost screamed as the soap seeped into my skin. "Calm down, Blaise. Ill rinse it off in a minute." That just made it hurt even more. Then she put this gunk all over my back after letting me soak for a while, and it hurt like hell and smelled something awful when she put it on.

"Jeeze, Jess. That hurts!!"

"I know. And I know it'll hurt even worse when it wears off, but it'll help at the moment."

"You mean I'll be hurtin' even worse?"

"I guess... I don't know. I'm sorry. Why don't you soak a bit more, and I'll have Dodge help you out?"

"Yeah. Whatever." I ended up doing just that. I kept my hand on Bass's head as I soaked, and when Dodger finally came back in, I didn't want to let him go.

"C'mon, Bass. Lets go."

Bass just growled and moved closer to the tub. I gently pulled his fur and pointed towards the door muttering "go." He pulled himself up and skittered across the floor to the front door.

"I don't understand why that dog listens to nobody else but you. He's know us just as long, but he don't listen to anything I say."

"He don't love you. He might listen to you if I weren't here, but he don't love you, and he ain't gonna listen to you unless I can't tell him to."

"Well, why don't you tell him to?"

"'Cause he don't like you." We both managed a grin, but he got serious real fast. "Seriously, how com you won't tell him to listen to me?"

"I guess, 'cause he's the only thing that's mine."

"Austin's yours."

"Yeah, but he ain't gonna listen to me like Bass does. Nobody ever listens to me except Bass."

"And Austin?"

"You're makin' this complicated."

"Yeah," Dodger grins. I know. I'm gonna let that dog out, and then I'm gonna get you in bed. Okay? I might skip school tomorrow."

"He'll kill you for that. And don't you got that date with Sandy?"

"Yeah, I know, and I do, but I ain't gonna let you stay here by yourself. Besides, I don't got nothin' important goin' on tomorrow."

"Thanks, Dodge."

"Yeah. No problem, little brother. Hold on a sec. I'll let Bass out." He came back and helped me out of the tub and to get dressed. I threw myself down face first on mine and Dodger's bed. "You gonna be cold tonight, Blaise?"

"Not really."

"It'll get cold." I just shrugged, and then winced and gasped in pain as he pulled the blanket up over my bare shoulders.

"You comin' to bed?"

"Not right now. You okay?"

"I'm- no, not really."

"You can talk to me about it."

"I'm scared, Dodge. I really am. I ain't never been afraid of anything or anybody in my life 'cept for him. I ain't never got a whippin' like I get from him from anybody else. Even in them rumbles we used to get in to. I been sliced and diced and I ain't never hurt this bad."

"He ain't gonna hurt you no more, Blaise. I ain't gonna let him hurt you no more."

"Man, he told me not to move, I shouldn't have..."

"I'll tell him I sent you to bed because I was tired of hearin' you complain about bein' hurt. He wouldn't hurt you no more if he knew you were complain of pain. He'd just think it means he beat you right. I'm sorry we can't do nothin' about him beatin' you. I would if I could, but I don't know what to do. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't do nothin', Dodge. It ain't your fault I got whipped."

"Yeah, it kinda is."

"Dodge, I don't want to fight with you. I'm hurtin', I got an awful headache, and I'm tired. I don't want to fight."

"Yeah, alright. I'm sorry. I'll come to bed later. I'll put Jessi down, and then I'll come." I nodded, not really caring. I was just thinking about how he looked. I was surprised the girls weren't all over him. He had the same hair as I did, but his was more of a blonde. His eyes were like blue ice. They were as dark as a midnight sky, and there was always a glint of happiness or some emotion that made his eyes shine like stars. He had broad shoulders, and when he had his shirt off (which was most of the time he was out of school), you could see his farmer's tan. He was always tan year round, and the Sandy loved it. He was tall. Six foot three, and his legs were about as clumsy as mine were. He was good with a wrench, and sometimes girls from school come to him instead of a mechanic's. It always made her real jealous, but I didn't know why they weren't all like that. Some of the preppy Socs were 'too good' for him, but the greasers were usually checking him out as he walked by; he had a nice body. His face was kind of hollowed out and bony, but Sandy loved running her fingers down his cheek bone. I think he like it too. He was real handsome. Really handsome, and I didn't know why on earth people thought I was handsome.

"Hey, Dodge?"

"Yeah."

"Are you and Sandy... Have you guys ever been in a bad fight?" They'd been going out for about two years now.

"Yeah, why?"

"How'd you patch things up?"

"Yeah," he started slowly. "Why?" then it dawned on him. "Did you and Ash get in a fight?" I nodded, feeling my face heat up. "What was it over?"

"I didn't do somethin' she wanted and she got all pissed at me."

"What didn't you do?"

"She wanted me to kiss her and I'd been doin' some things that I didn't want her to taste and she got all mad."

"What were you doin'?"

"I was smokin', and J.D. let me have a swig of whisky or somethin'."

"Who? J.D.? Remind me to kick his ass when I see him next."

"Why?"

"'Cause I ain't gonna let him screw up my little brother's head."

"But you got drunk when you were fourteen and-"

"I was stupid, and I didn't have an older brother to look up to with the answer. I ain't gonna be some stupid jerk and not show you the right way," he sighed angrily. "Anyway, you were sayin'?"

"She got mad 'cause I wouldn't kiss her, so we ain't talked in a week, and I want to make up with her."

"You sure that's what you wanna do? You don't look at her the same way you used to." I put my face into the pillows.

"I don't love her anymore."

"Does the girl you do love love you too?"

"I don't know. I haven't even really talked to her."

"Well, you can't just make up with Ash if you don't really love her."

"I don't know what to do. If I ain't with someone, I can't stop thinkin' about her, and if I am with someone, I just imagine it's her, and either way I know it's a bad way to deal with it, but what the hell am I to do?"

"I don't know. We can talk about this later. I'm gonna put Jess to bed, and I'll come back in. Alright?" I nodded, but I was out asleep before he even came back in the room. Figures.


	4. Chapter 4

_a/n sorry about that, if your inbox is filled with alerts that my story has been updated, because I had to go back and enter page breaks, but anyways, here it is; new and fixed._

"Are you ready yet, punk?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." My voice sounded funny. And man was I sore. I hurt all over and I couldn't move without feeling the pain.

"What's taking so long?"

"I hurt, man. What the hell'd you expect?"

"Sorry, I forgot. Kind of weird, if you know what I mean, 'cause you kept moanin' in your sleep."

"Ain't my fault. Ain't my fault that I'm hurtin'."

"Yeah, I know. I know you don't want to ride him, but I tacked up Austin anyways. And he's got all your stuff that you'll need. I'll take you out to the gorge, help you get set up, and then I'll have to come back. I'm brinin' Wind with me, so I can get back, but I feel awful lousy about leavin' you out there by yourself."

"I ain't gonna be alone. I got Austin and Bass."

"That ain't much. Coyotes'll eat you alive, and what about rattlesnakes?"

"Quit beein' such a pain in my ass. I ain't gonna get killed, and I'm just goin' to make Dad worry. Not you or Jess. Okay?"

"You sure make it hard."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry."

"You want me to walk or ride?"

"Either. Whatever. I don't care. I'm sore enough to hurt when ever I move, so I suppose the slower I go, the better." I watched as Dodger mounted Wind Dancer, his Palomino horse. He was real pretty, just like Austin, but Austin had a sense of pride that Wind just didn't have. Austin held his head up high and his hooves always were higher in the march he strutted than the other horses. I ran my eyes over the chestnut body. He was really beautiful, Austin was. I patted his head and ran my hand down his nose. He nuzzled my sleeves and pockets for carrots, but I didn't have any and felt real bad. "Jeeze," I breathed. "He practically walks on air."

"Hence his name," Dodger smiled. He was real proud of Wind. They'd won lots of ribbons at shows (not that me and Austin haven't), and he was sure a sight to see. He trotted around me, Bass, and Austin happily. "C'mon. I ain't been out on him in a while and he's rarin' to go."

"Go 'head. Give him a good run. I'll be behind, comin' slow like."

"I'll be back in a few minutes then. Man, he really wants to go. Be back!" he yelled over his shoulder as he kicked Wind Dancer into a fast gallop.

"Damn, he's happy," I said to Austin and Bass. "Alright, let's get out of here."

* * *

"Hey, Dodge?"

"Yeah."

"Are you in love with Sandy?"

"I think so."

"How do you know if you're in love?"

"Uh... Let's see. I think you know you're in love when... That's tough... Uh, you're in love when, even though you're more comfortable around the gal you're in love with then anybody else, you get these great big butterflies in your stomach when you're around her. You feel like an idiot, clumsy as hell, and like you'd follow her and do whatever she wants. Like a puppy and its master. I don't know. You do what she wants, and you'd rather please her then anybody else. You could be satisfied with just sitting for hours with her in her your arms; you wouldn't have to be talkin', or kissin', or nothin' at all. If she's with you, your life is perfect. I don't know how to explain it real good."

"Is Sandy in love with you?" Dodger got real quiet, and I think I struck an important nerve.

"I don't know. Sometimes she acts like it, and sometimes she don't. I don't know how to tell if someone else is in love with you or not. I ain't cupid or nothin'. Why are you askin' me about this crap? You think you're in love or somthin'?"

I only shrugged a shoulder, but my face had flared up and I caught him grinning knowingly. He was making fun of me, and I didn't like it at all.

"Who you in love with, little buddy?" he asked me, grinning.

"I ain't in love, and even if I was, I wouldn't tell you who."

"Oh, I think I know though. Can we play five questions or somethin'?. I'm real good at it, and if I don't hit it on the head, I won't ask you nothin' else about it. Deal?" I mulled it over for a second, staring at him as he jumped up and down in the saddle excitedly.

"Yeah, okay. Give it a shot."

"Alright..." He messed up his face, like he was thinking real hard. "Alright. I got a guess. Are you ready for it?"

"Yeah," I said, thinking he didn't have a clue.

"Okay. It's- uh- hmm. Oh, right," he grinned broadly, saying, "Bailey Jacobs."

My face. I swear my face was going to burn right off. My mouth had dropped open, but I quickly closed it and muttered every swear word under the sun to myself. Finally I had collected myself enough to look up into is eyes. "How do you figure it's Bailey?"

"Oh, I dunno... Maybe it's 'cause you said her name in your sleep the other night."

"What?"

"Yeah, and it wasn't just no mention, either. You kept sighin' and whispering her name, and then kind of laughing, like she said yours back."

"Ah, jeeze," I muttered darkly. I remembered that dream. Real well. I remembered wishing that it had really happened. "Goddamn it, man. Damn it."

"You okay, Blaise?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. You gotta cigarette, Dodge?"

"Yeah, I do." He pulled one out of the pack he kept in his pocket. "But you ain't gettin' one."

"C'mon. I want one real bad, and I ain't got any." he looked at me skeptically. "It ain't like I've never tried it."

"It's a bad habit to get in to, and I ain't gonna sit here and watch you kill yourself."

"You smoke."

"I got hooked. I ain't gonna let you get hooked too. Besides, I don't want to let you kill yourself."

"Fine." I got a real smart mouth, but I can back it up with speed. I ran up to him, swiped his cigarettes and lighter, and ran back away before he could even take a swipe at me. I took one of the cigarettes, and put the rest in one of my saddle bags. I lit up, and then grinned at him as he swore. "Here, is it better? Now we're both killin' ourselves."

"You're real fast, kid. One of these days you're gonna get it. And I still owe you, too."

"Owe me? For what?"

"That time you almost broke my nose."

"That was what? Six months and some ago? You still gotta grudge, man?"

"Yeah I do! You almost screwed up my perfect face!" We both kind of stumbled as we cracked up. I looked at the horizon and saw Bass dip down into some kind of hole. He came trotting up happily as I whistled.

"What the hell do you think you're doin'?" I asked. "You crazy thing, you."

"You know, sometimes I think you love that dog and Austin more than you love me and Jess."

"Sometimes, I know I love them more than Dad, but you guys... I don't think love is the word. Actually, I don't think I _love_ anybody. You guys are way to special, even this dog, and this horse. I don't think I _love_ them by any means, but I look up to them greatly. And I look up to you, so much, Dodger. I want to be just like you when I get older. Just like you."

"Naw, you don't want to be anything like me. I ain't nothin' special."

"The hell you're not," I was surprised that my eyes were tearing up. Even as I tried to wipe them, it kept getting worse.

"Hey. Blaise? You- come'ere for a minute." I kept walking, but he dismounted and spun me around into his embrace. "You, you're- Oh, man." I cried into his chest. I don't know why I've been acting so sappy lately. I never cry, but when we get to talking about Dodger, and Jess, and Dad beating us... I get all teary and I hate it. "God, you are so little, and... Jeeze. I didn't mean that, man. It's just, you're my little brother and I gotta," he broke off, his voice shaking, then picked up again with, "look out for you. It's hard, with Jess, and with dad always whippin' us, and I don't know what to do. It's real hard tryin' to juggle all of this and Jess's problems. I dunno... Hey man, I don't need you bawlin' too."

"Will you quit talkin' for a minute? This is a moment we ain't ever had before and you're just ruinin' it with your damn chatter!" We both kind of half-choked half-laughed and just stood there with the sun beating down on us. "Alright. That's enough. It's way to hot, and one hugs enough for you. You stink, man."

"Yeah," Dodger sniffed, grinning. "Well, you ain't no field of daisies either." I punched him kinda hard and took a long drag on my cigarette.

"At least _I_ took a bath last night."


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: alright, putting up three chapters because they're kind of short. I have a whole week off of school, so I could update a couple more times. Enjoy!_

Three days. Three long, boring days I've been out here twiddling my thumbs to pass time.

It's been real hot, and I've had a problem with keeping both Bass and Austin's body temperature down; just keepin' them cool enough to breathe. The only bad thing is is that Bass disappeared late last night and he ain't been back yet.

Man, am I hungry. I've had boloney sandwiches, stream water, and a chocolate bar here and there. I fed all the carrots to Austin, and he's longing for some more. I heard him nicker softly, and I climbed out of the shade of my tent to see what he was talking about. His ears were tall and erect, they were going haywire picking up sounds, and suddenly he looked behind him and got real excited.

I turned and almost had a heart attack. I heard Bass, and saw him flying across the flat landscape. I also saw the cloud of dust that our old Chevy pick-up truck was kicking up.

"Oh, shit," I said. My voice was real scratchy, having no one to talk to except Bass and Austin, and if you've ever tried it, it's real hard to hold a conversation with them because they can't seem to sit still worth nothing. "Oh, shit. C'mon, Austin. You up for a run today?" He seemed to say, 'yeah, I'm ready. Let's go, let's go, let's go!' Even though he'd been hot, he's had enough water to keep him more than hydrated. "'Kay. Damn it, this is going to hurt me so bad... Okay, buddy. Let's go."

I kicked him up a bit, starting out in a trot, but as the truck came in closer, I made him canter and he did so happily.

Man, after going for about three minutes, the roar of that truck had me laying flat against Austin's back. Nudging him into a run didn't happy him too much, but after a couple of seconds, he picked up the speed, just happy to be wild and free.

Eventually, he tuckered out, and I had to slow him down to a light trot, just to keep him going but to let him rest, too. I drove him away from the truck and up a mountain path that I'd taken a couple of times before. The truck couldn't make it, and I felt safer for the moment. I hopped off and let Austin walk beside me to let him rest. At the top of a hill there was a stream, so I stopped and let him drink which he did hastily.

Man was I ever scared. Dodger never drove that fast and furiously, and Jess was just learning. I knew that temper. Dad was after me, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him catch me.

"Austin, you okay, buddy?" I ran my fingers along his sweating body. "You are the best, man. You really are. Can you keep going?"

His ears darted up and out like he was saying 'if it's a challenge, I can take it.' "There's a good boy." I eased myself back up in to the saddle, placed my feet firmly in the stirrups, and steered him towards the rest of the path. I made it down the other side, almost trampling Bass as he erupted from behind us. "Damn. Git up, Aust. Let's go!" I kicked him up into a run again, and we raced through the afternoon sun. I whooped loudly, just feeling free, until a searing pain sliced through my shoulder. And then another through my side. I almost let out a scream, but I didn't. I kept it in and through the pain I raced towards town.

I'd almost made it, too. I could see it through the dusty haze, and it rose before me like a wonderful sight. Then Austin went out from under me. His legs folded and he crashed, sending me tumbling head over heels away from him.

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" I screamed and stumbled, coughing, leaking blood, to Austin's side. My fingers traveled over him and came to a sticky spot, nothing like sweat. "Aw, jeeze. Damn it!" There was a bullet wound in his shoulder, and it was hurting him something awful.

"Blaise. Blaise, we gotta talk."

"Oh, hell no," I muttered and got up, tugging Austin with me. "I know it hurts buddy, but we gotta go." Austin acted like he understood me, because he picked up his pace, nickering softly. I climbed back on top of him and we raced into town, not slowing down even as the truck began to close the gap again. Bass kept running right beside me, and I felt so much better with him with me.

He'd led Dad to me. There was no doubt about that, but I knew it wasn't his fault. He hadn't know that Dad would follow him. I just hoped to God that a cop or something would pull me over for riding a horse through town. After about ten minutes of ducking down alleys and going through suburbs, I finally got yanked over by the police. Dad was pulled over too, and I was so happy, and so sore, and so shocked that I passed out after saying "Thanks. Thank you so much," to the cop that stopped me and Austin.


	6. The Hospital

Oh, God, did I ever hurt. I couldn't move, and there must have been something in the wounds that I had because they were stiffer than anything I'd ever felt. My back was sore still, and the fact that I was laying on it was just killing me. I almost shot out of that bed I was in when I thought about Austin and Bass, but for some reason I couldn't even open my eyes. After trying to for about five minutes I finally got them to open.

"Hey, man," Dodger said softly. "How you feeling?"

I just groaned. There was a forest of tubes separating him from me, and it was scaring me something awful. "Where's-" I managed before my voice broke. "Where the hell is my horse? And where's Bass, and-?"

"Hey, you've got to calm down. The doctors won't let us see you if you get all excited."

"Where are they?"

"Blaise, calm down, man. Really." I opened my mouth and he said, "They're both at home. Now how are you feeling? I don't want to talk about the animals right now. I want to know how you feel. You've been out for almost three days now, and we've been getting real worried. You lost a lot of blood, and the doctors were afraid you wouldn't make it. We were all afraid you wouldn't make it."

"Who's we?" I managed softly. "You and Jess?"

"And Ashley, and Brandon, and Andrew. All of your friends, man. Don't you think they'd be worried?" I shrugged. No, I hadn't thought about them, and I wondered why.

"I don't remember what happened, man. What the hell happened?" Dodger brought up a chair by my bed and stroked his fingers through my hair. His eyes were real soft and understanding, but he was worried, and I didn't know why.

"Well, why don't you tell me what you do remember, and I can fill in the gaps. Well, most of them."

"All's I remember is bein' scared half-to death after seein' Bass leading Dad's truck towards where I was sleepin'. Everything else is a blank." My breath hitched as I moved. Damn it hurt. I tried to sit up, but Dodger pushed me back. What the hell? He wasn't the one having to lay on his sore back...

"I don't know much, but I do know that Dad took off after you at about noon Friday. I tried to follow him, but I couldn't keep up. Then I heard a couple of shots. Two at least, and I caught up to you guys just as he was pullin' away from the mountain pass. Man," he stopped for a second and bowed his head. "Then I saw you just collapse, and Dad said somethin', but you got up real quick and started off again. I followed until the cops caught you and him. I've been waitin' here ever since they took you into surgery. And me and Jess... We've been so damned worried... Dad's in jail," he whispered.

"What?"

"You're hurt because he shot you. Twice I guess, and they took him into custody for both child and animal abuse. He's supposed to have a trial here in a couple of weeks."

"What's goin' to happen to us?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't talk to the lawyer that came in until you woke up. I know you're younger, but you're more sensible than I am."

"Where's Jess?"

"She's at school." He looked at his watch. "She should be here pretty soon. I hope you don't mind, but I told Ashley she could come and see you when you woke up. She's the only one who can come and see you. Doc said that you can have one outside visitor for awhile, and I thought that Ash would be a good pick..." I shrugged. I didn't really want to see her; I didn't love her, and I didn't want to hurt her. If I had to see her, I'd hurt her, because I was planning on breaking up with her the next time I saw her. "Blaise, are you okay?" I was surprised to have tears in my eyes. Man, I wanted someone I could love, so badly. I wanted Bailey, there was no doubt about it, but I needed someone right now. "Blaise, man, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You gotta cigarette?"

"Yeah, but you ain't gettin' one."

"C'mon, Dodge. I need one real bad."

"No you don't. Now maybe you should get some more rest. Just sit back and re-" he broke off as there was a knock at the door. He stood up and wobbled to the door. It dawned on me what he looked like.

"You look real sleepy, man. Ain't you had any sleep?" He looked back at me and grinned.

"Not since Thursday night, man. I ain't been able to sleep at all with you in here. I don't like hospitals, they creep me out, so..." another knock. "I've gotta get this, why don't you just rest for a minute...?" He opened the door, glanced at me, then stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

Jeeze. I'd kept him up three days? I kept asking myself that, and it was driving me crazy as I leaned back into the pillows and closed my eyes. I didn't like seeing him that way. I'm no reason to loose sleep over. I ain't nothing special. I sat up painfully. Damn did it ever hurt. I tried to swallow my tongue, but I let out a sigh of pain before I managed it.

I heard the door open, and I hoped Dodger was going to come back in, but when he said, "Be careful with him," I knew he wasn't going to come in. When I heard a girl's "Mm hm," I thought that maybe Jessi was coming in, but it wasn't. My eyes rolled over Ashley before I looked away.

I don't know how I could ever have thought I didn't love her anymore. She was real cute with blonde-brown hair and delicious hazel eyes. They were usually more green than anything, and full of love for me. She really was crazy about me. She had a nice body, too. Not anorexic or remotely pudgy, but just enough weight to let you know when she feels warm and happy in your arms. Her touch was always soft and cautious unless you invited her to touch you. I didn't know for a second why I ever doubted my love for her, then I remembered her yelling at me for no damn reason, and I guarded myself half-heartedly.

"How are you, Blaise?" She usually used my nickname, and I was surprised at the shake in her voice. I decided not to talk to her right then. Her words from the last time we spoke floated back into my head, no way was I just going to let her love me all of a sudden. "I've been so worried, Blaise. I haven't been able to think straight since Dodger told me what happened. I- I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you. I... I love you, Blaise. I know I haven't ever said that before, and I know I don't always act like it, but I do love you." My heart sank. I can't stand it when girls cry, and it was even worse because she was crying over me. "I can't help it if I get mad at you. You don't kiss me unless someone dares you to, and I just wish sometime that you would love me like you want to instead of for pride. I've been keeping this in for over two months, and it just came out last week. I didn't mean to hurt you; I really didn't." I heard her swallow and then sniff. She kind of choked, then said, "I really want you to talk to me, Blaise. I'm sorry, and I'm spilling my guts out to you, and you haven't said anything to me; you've barely even looked at me." It wasn't a command, or a statement, but she was pleading with me, and it hurt like hell. My chest constricted and I could hardly breathe. "I know you're tired, so I guess I'll come back later..." she trailed off, I think hoping I'd say something to her.

I felt her soft breath on my face as she leaned over me and kissed my forehead. I pulled her back when she went to move away and kissed her lips. I had never felt the way I did right then, and the taste of her lips soothed me. I let it last for a few moments then let her go. My heart was thumping wildly and I wouldn't have been surprised if she could hear it. I opened my eyes, and found that hers were still closed, like she was savoring that moment.

"That's all I ever wanted, Blaise. That's all I wanted." Her eyes fluttered open and she stroked my face. "Why haven't you ever done that before?"

"I ain't never had the guts," I managed.

"You don't need them where I'm concerned. You only have to be yourself."

"I know that now," I sounded like an idiot. She didn't seem to think so, but I did. I mean, I did know now that she'd be happy with me being myself, but I didn't like admitting that I was wrong. She sat on the side of the bed and ran her fingers through my hair. It felt real good when she did it, not like Jess or Dodger.

"I love you, Blaise."

"Me, too." I wasn't going to come right out and say that I loved her, because, even though I did, I had feelings for Bailey. If I told her that I loved her, I didn't know if I'd be telling her a lie or what. She leaned down again and kissed my forehead, my cheek, then my lips. She lingered for a moment, then pulled back and smiled.

"I think Dodger and Jess want to talk to you alone. I'll come back tomorrow. I promise."

"I'll be counting down the seconds," I whispered, knowing suddenly that that was exactly what I was going to be doing. Counting down until I would see her again. "Ash," I said before she walked out the door. "I love you." I almost caught myself from doing that, but changed my mind as her eyes lit up at my voice.

"I love you, too. I'll be back tomorrow." She smiled and left.


	7. Welcome Home

_a/n: oooooookkkkkkkk, sorry for those of you who happened to read this before i could realize my mistake, so I'll put this chapter up for those of you who haven't; for those of you who have, the next chapter is in your honor. Enjoy:_

"Oh, Blaise!" Jessi teased, closing the door. "I- I love you so much!"

"Yeah, that's cool," Dodger picked up, grinning.

"Oh, well, I guess I'll see you around..." Jess, disappointed.

"Wait, Ashley! I- I love you, too!"

"Shut up, guys. It's not like you've never loved someone," my face was heating up fast, and I hated being caught like that.

"Yeah, we've loved somebody, but we ain't never confessed like that."

"You're just loving this, aren't you Dodge?"

"Hey," his grin broadened, "You better believe it!"

"Can't you guys just let me be for awhile? Or do you have to tease me?" Neither of them answered. Jessi jumped onto the edge of the bed, and I shrunk back slightly. It was weird that Jess could be playful one second, and then real serious the next.

"You know, Dodger hasn't had any sleep since they put you in here, and I haven't had much either. We've been really worried." I was terrified to see tears in her eyes.

"I'm alright. Jess, I'm okay."

"Doc said you might not make it. He told us Saturday that you might not make it."

"I did and I'm okay."

'You might not have been, and we don't know what we would have done…. We-we can't live without you." I pulled her into a hug and she sobbed softly into my shoulder. I looked over at Dodger.

"Did he really say that? That I might not make it?" He nodded, and my heart took off at a gallop.

"I told you. We've been real worried." He took Jess from my arms and she cried instead into his chest. "I haven't been able to sleep because I was afraid you'd die or something." I closed my eyes and let my breath slowly out.

"Let's drop the subject for now. Okay? I didn't die, and unless someone plans to try to assassinate me, I ain't gonna die. But, I gotta ask, how's Austin, man? That shot was real bad and I pushed him…. How is he?"

"He's fine. I had a vet out to see him, and he's alright. He'll come out every other day to change the bandages, and he says just to not ride him 'till he heals, but he'll need lots of love." My stomach dropped.

"How bad was he hurt? I'll hill him, I will, for hurting my horse!" I was seething mad.

"Blaise, man, you ain't gonna kill no one. Austin's fine. He'll be fine, but it'll take time to heal. Just like you'll need to heal. You'll recover. Both of you will." I moved uncomfortably.

"Man, what the hell did I do? It ain't just bullet holes in me."

"You cracked some ribs when you took that tumble and they had to tape them up. It was hard 'cause of that wound, so they had to fix you up real good, and that's why you're so stiff. You're still pretty bad off, but I'm pretty sure that you'll live."

"Pretty sure?" I started to panic. "You mean I could still die?"

"Naw, but like you said, someone could assassinate you or some shit." His smile made me glare.

"Don't get my adrenalin up, man. It's bad enough to be hurtin' the way I do without havin' to laugh and worry. You're such an ass."

"Don't you know it."

"Will you be careful on them turns, man? I'm still hurtin' somethin' awful."

"Sorry, little brother. I'm just excited to have you home. Jess is boring. No offense or nothin'…."

"Watch out, Dodger," she said threateningly, "I know where you sleep."

"Oh, I'm so scared." Dodger's real sarcastic sometimes, and it gets him in trouble every time, so I wasn't surprised when Jessi punched him real hard.

I had to endure another two day stay at the hospital, and I wished I was back there as Dodger took another sharp turn. I slammed into the door and clutched my side painfully. "Damn it, Dodger! Slow down. We ain't gonna die if we go the speed limit, man!"

"Yeah, but how fun is the speed limit?"

"it's fun enough for me with hospital worthy sores, alright? In case you forgot or somethin'?"

"No, I didn't forget. I guess I'm just not used to you bein' hurt."

I was looking forward to being home, not so much of the homework I was going to have, but being home would be good enough. Dodger and Jess kept bickering as we started along our half-mile driveway. I jumped out of the car before it even remotely slowed down, and it resulted in a cussing fit from Dodger and a smarting pain in my side. I picked myself up and ran into our barn. I was so happy that I just stopped and breathed , then Austin nickered softly and I ran to him.

"Hey, buddy!" I cried happily. "How are you?" I opened the stall door to inspect his wound up close. "He got you good, didn't he? Damn if I let him live for this…." I had to let out a laugh as he nuzzled his nose into my pockets. "Hey, man. I don't got no carrots, but I'll go get some." He snorted, and I sprinted back up to the house.

"Hey, Blaise? What the hell do you think you're doing?" I whipped around and skidded to a halt in front of Ashley, then I picked her up and spun her around; man, I was just ec_static_!

"Man do I ever love you," I said, kissed her, then grabbed some carrots out of the fridge.

"Are you even going to talk to me?"

"Only if you can catch me!" I ran past her and heard her mutter, "boys!" in half-laugh half-annoyance. I nearly bowled over Dodger, and I knocked Jess down as I jumped off the porch, and flat out ran across the yard. I flew into the barn and back to Austin. "Alright, buddy. Here you go." I gave him a carrot, and then glanced over my shoulder. A grin spread wildly across my face. I patted Austin, then took off through the opposite end of the barn. Ashley's calls ricocheted through my mind, and I let out a rowdy stream of laughter.

She was fast. There was no doubt about it. But I was faster. We were both on the cross country team and in track and field, but I jumped hurdles; she didn't. The fences were taller than I could jump, but they didn't slow me down. I landed then scrambled up them. I easily out ran her by about twenty-five, thirty yards, and with it I finally realized what my coach was always saying to me: "Football is good for you. Teaches you math, and a good judgment of distance, and you always know how far you're going to go, and how fast you're going to get there. You can hold out longer, Endurance." That's what he called me; Endurance. I was MVP of the year all through middle school.

I am a total over achiever when it comes to sports. Soccer, track, football, basketball, lacrosse, you name it, I play it. I'm at every game and have never missed practice (except for once I got after school detention), but the point is, I'm a cowboy, a greaser, and a total jock. It's a way weird combination of personalities, but it's me.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw, with amazement, Ashley right on my tail. Whoa! Never expected her to catch up like that. She chased me for a while, and I finally managed to sidestep her. She flew past me and I took a nasty slide into a small tree. Damn, it hurt, but I was having too much fun, and I was too wound up and excited that I scrambled up and began running again.

Ash was quick to catch up, and she took a flying leap, tackled me, and sent us both rolling down a gentle grassed slope. And I thought hitting that tree hurt!

I could barely breathe the pain was so intense. With Ashley and her 109 pounds on my chest, cracked ribs, and wounds just made worse the small rocks digging into my shoulder and side injury.

I ended up pushing her off, gasping and swearing.

"Are you alright?" Ash was in a complete state of panic. "Ah, jeeze. Blaise are you okay?" I didn't answer her, and I was pretty sure I _couldn't_. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing.

In through my nose, out through my mouth. In the nose, out the mouth. Nose, mouth….

I think I was hyperventilation myself, or some other similar shit, because I blacked out after hearing her say my name again.

_

* * *

a/n: Thank you all for your reviews. Sorry for that last chapter. Sighs I messed up again. I promise I'll get better at that, but until the next chapter, I hope you've enjoyed this!  
-Stephanie_


	8. Wasted Relationship

I hurt. I was in complete and utter pain.

"Damn it, Blaise. What the hell is your problem?" Dodger was muttering crossly at me. I felt a sharp pain at the back of my head, and suddenly realized that I was lying face down into a pillow.

"Is he alright?" Ashley. She was definitely in a panic. "Man, Dodger, I 'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted to talk to him, and he wouldn't stop to listen-" Dodger cut her off.

"Hey," he had to repeat himself at least three times (my mind was a little scrambled), until he to crescendo up into a forte before she would listen. "Ashley, it ain't your fault. "You didn't do anything. The little shit got a little too excited. It's his own fault, not yours." Another sharp pain, and it was so intense that I groaned weakly. "Ahh. See? He lives. So, little brother, what do you have to say for yourself? You scared the shit out of Ashley here, gave Jess a bit of a fright, and had my mind reeling at might have happened to you."

I didn't say anything; I just closed my eyes, wishing that Ashley would lay down with me….

"Blaise, get your ass out of bed. You have company." I didn't care. I really didn't, and neither did she; I could tell. I kicked out at Dodger when he tried to drag me out of the comfy bed. I smiled grimly and was faced with the satisfaction of making contact with his body (I fantasized of hitting his face, but highly doubted that I had that good of an aim). "Damn you, kid. That hurt!" Victory! It felt good. "You'll get it. You will!" he warned and then stormed away."

"Are you okay?" Ashley asked softly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, baby."

"Yeah, I know." I again longed for her to lay down with me.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She was real worried. "We took a bit of a tumble, and then you just passed out. I thought I killed you or something…."

"Hey, baby. C'mon now. You know I'm tougher than that. I'm tough."

"I know, but-" she took a shaky breath and I felt her fingers in my hair, "You're so fragile to me. I don't want to loose you; for any reason. I love you, and it would kill me."

"It wouldn't kill you. We both know that."

"I'll come close. I can't lie to you."

"If you love me like you say, will you come lay down with me?" She laughed softly, ad I felt her arms go softly around me. She continuously stoked my hair, and man did it ever feel good. She talked softly to me all the while.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"When we were fighting, did you miss me?"

"Yeah. And I wanted you more than ever then. And I was hurting like I'd never hurt before because you were so angry with me."

"Did you know that I still loved you?"

"I was having doubts, on both our parts."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if you want to hear it."

"Why would I not?"

"Because it's going to hurt you, and I hate seeing you hurt."

"I can handle it." I tilted my head and looked into her beautiful eyes. I shook my head, ever so slightly. "Blaise," she lovingly caressed my face. "I can handle it. I don't want you to feel that you have to keep things from me. I will always be willing to listen to you." I rested my face back into the pillow and shook my head again. "Please," she pleaded. "Just tell me why it is you ever doubted my love for you. "My heart ached with guilt. I didn't like seeing her cry, let alone hear her sobbing that way. I didn't want to upset her further. No way in hell was I going to tell her something that was going to upset her. I'd rather have her yelling at me, pissed beyond belief than crying over something I did. "Look, baby. Please just talk to me. I need to know what I can do to-" She managed to choke out that much, but all the rest was blurred together like gibberish. I hated that; actually, to be more accurate, I couldn't take it. Her crying chewed a hole in me. It didn't matter what girl it was, I didn't like when they cried. Period. She squeezed out, "I'm sorry. And if we're going to be going together, then we need to trust each other. I trust you. I do, Blaise, but you're showing me that you don't trust me. Please. Let me know if I'm wasting my time in this relationship."


	9. A Visit to Lyn

"Wow, that stung. A lot. My chest was already constricting with the dry sobs I willed away, and with that particular shot to my heart, I just let loose. Both in anger and in pain.

"Is that what you think? That our relationship is a waste of time?" I was seething, and upset, and I nearly gave in as I felt her hand on my back. I wasn't going to sit here and cry for her; being the man that I was, it wasn't my nature. I leaped off the bed and went to the door, whirling around as she choked my name. "If that's what you think, then fine. You can find someone else to love you." I stormed out, slamming the door behind me. Dodger asked me what the hell I was doing as I went through the living room. I snarled, " None of you business," and stalked out into the yard. It took all I had not to kick the lone chicken we had as I prowled down the driveway. Bass was yipping at me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see him kicking up a cloud of dust as he raced towards me.

He fell into step beside me, and we trotted down the road, making pretty good time, I thought. What I hadn't thought out was that Dodger could come and get me. His car coasted next to us, and he didn't say anything for a minute, but I could practically see his anger about to explode.

"Get in the truck," He said dangerously. I ignored him. I needed to vent, and if I was going to accomplish that, it would have to be without Dodger nagging at me. "Blaise, get in the truck!" I threw him a dirty look.

"No," I replied flatly, and stepped onto a trail that would lead me to my best friend's house.

"Blaise! Get back here, damn it!" Again, I ignored him and watched Bass's tail disappear in a bush, only to come flying out again after flushing out a couple of birds. I managed a soft smile, and he sneezed while flashing me a crooked grin; he was satisfied to have cheered me up. I could hear somebody, or something, following me, but I didn't worry about it at that moment; I would deal with it if I had to. I'd deal with it the _way_ I had to.

It took approximately five minutes to end up on Brandon's farm. Bass took off, his nose plastered to the ground. I swiftly went up to the porch and knocked on the door. His sister answered.

"Oh, hello, Blaise. Awful nice to see you," she was happy to see me, I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She was a southern belle, there was no doubt in that, her voice was honey soaked and she was right proper. "What've you been up to?" I glanced over my shoulder nervously. "You alright?"

"Carolyn," I said, looking into her bright brown eyes. "I need to see Brandon. Is he here?" I knew instantly he wasn't; you could read her face like a book.

"He went down to the creek with Joey for awhile. You want to come in for something to drink?" I nodded politely. Carolyn was a nice girl; we'd gone out for a couple of weeks before, but it didn't work out. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive, because God knew she was. She was about five feet, give or take a few inches, with rich brown hair. She kept it short, but it was think and luscious. She had freckles that dusted her face and gave her a girlish look even though she was sixteen. "How are you feeling?" I was yanked out of my thoughts as she set a glass of cool lemonade in front of me. "Brandon told me what happened."

"Eh," I said, taking a refreshing swig. "I'm alright. Hurts like hell at times, but it's nothing that aspirin won't take care of." She smiled softly. "Sorry, Carolyn. I don't think when I talk." She didn't like any of us swearing; we did, but not in front of her.

"It's okay; I've actually kind of missed it." Uh-oh. Was she still hot for me? That could get ugly; whatever, I can deal with it. "How's Dodger and Jessi?" I took another swallow of lemonade and let the tart liquid slide down my throat.

"They're alright; worried, but alright."

"Can I ask you something?" I nodded, wondering why she'd ask. "Is there a reason, besides being in the hospital, that has kept you away from here?" I dropped my gaze to the counter. She'd hit a sore spot for me.

"To be honest, yeah. There is." I took another drink and played with a piece of paper in front of me. "I guess…. I guess I was just embarrassed at what happened. Don't get me wrong, I like you a lot Carolyn, but I didn't like breaking up, and I felt stupid for it because I knew Brandon would be on my case if it happened again. I didn't want him to come between us, and he's my best friend. It's not fair to make me choose; I suppose I just didn't want to be faced with a choice like that, and I've tried to avoid it."

"You don't have to choose between us, Blaise. I understand that he's your best friend, and I won't ruin that. I was just wondering. You don't have to be afraid of me." I laughed. It was simple and wonderful at the same time. She was a good girl to have around.

"I'm not afraid of you, just nervous to be around you. Thanks, Lyn, for being here for me." She smiled back at me.

"No problem." There was a knock at the door and I heard Dodger's voice calling hello. I shot to my feet. "Blaise…?" I clapped my hand over her mouth, shaking my head furiously.

"Don't tell him where I am. Please, Carolyn. This is important! When Brandon comes back, tell him I'm out with Rowdy." She nodded slowly. She was calm and collected. I let her go and she smiled.

"Thanks for talking with me." Dodger knocked again. "Coming!" then she turned to me. "You will consider staying for dinner, right?" I nodded, then kissed her cheek softly before running out the back door.

I was half way to my destination when the worst thing could have happened. If it had been any dog but mine, I wouldn't have stopped, but goddamn it, nothing hurts my dog.

"Hey!" I chanced, just over my regular talking voice. Of course, it didn't work. I ran towards the three brawling dogs. Brandon's father owned two of the nastiest Australian Cattle Dogs I've ever seen. They were devil dogs, and they hated everything but Cole Flatt. I picked up a long two by four and managed to get the cattle dogs away from Bass. He scrambled up and limped behind me. He growled protectively; he wasn't one to give up that easily. Okay, so he was wimp, but he'd growl and bark so long as it held them off.

"Hey, Blazy!" I winced at the shout that called my name. _Great, thanks Brandon. Now Dodger's going to come down here and kick my ass. You're a great secret keeper_. I knew the instant that Brandon shouted my name that I was in for it. I knew Dodger's footsteps from a mile away, and they were coming towards me. Cornered. That's what I was cornered. _Just great; this is so freaking great!_

_a/n: okay, this is a little bit different than my other chapters; I was in the middle of reading a Pendragon book, and when I read certain books, the characters rub off in my writing. So, that is why Blaise is a little out of character; he sounds more like Bobby Pendragon than Blaise Baker, but I'm hoping to fix that... Thanks for all your reviews, and I hope you liked this chapter! )_


	10. Relief to Ruin

"Ah, man. You missed a great day of fishing! How've you been? Doctor wouldn't let us see you when we came to visit," He smiled at me, and I almost jumped at him but decided against it. He didn't know I was running from my brother. "You alright, Blaise? You look kinda upset." I froze as a strong hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"I've been okay," I said softly. "You catch anything?"

"Couple of small ones, nothing special. How you been, Dodge?"

"Better," was his reply. I looked pleadingly at my best friend.

'Help,' I mouthed. 'Please.' He looked confused, but I'd gone to him for problems like this before.

"I was planning on going back out after lunch. You want to come, Blaise?"

"Yeah. I'd love to." Brandon smiled and walked towards the house. I yanked myself away from Dodger and followed him. Joey tailed behind us. "Thanks, Brandon. You saved my ass."

"Hey, man. Dodger can be a jerk, I understand that. And I'm always here for you. You just remember that."

"I will."

"Brand, can I go back with you?" Brandon looked over his brother's head; we both watched Dodger stomp off. "Brand?" He didn't answer as we sat down at the table. "Brandon." He shot Joey a look, and the kid shut his trap quickly. We listened until the rumble of the engine and the crunching of gravel had faded to answer him.

"I'm not going back out, Joey. Blaise just needed some help." Joey looked disappointed. He was the spitting image of Brandon, but his curly hair was a sandy blonde, and he had brown eyes, like Carolyn. And he was eight, but that wasn't really a factor in the image department. Brandon was fifteen like me, and his dark hair was a curly mess most of the time, but he didn't bother with it. You couldn't change it no matter what you did to it. His eyes were a medium sea blue and they were his lady killer. He was a little taller than me, but that didn't really make any difference.

"Can we go out tomorrow?"

"We have school tomorrow, Joe. Maybe over the weekend."

"I forgot we didn't have school partly this week…. And Thomas told me that I had to be in his office Monday morning…." I was chuckling to myself when Brandon ruined it.

"We only had today off, buddy." I shot him a glare.

"Oh, yeah, thanks a lot. Now you just reminded me that I have a whole week to make up on homework. You couldn't have been more supportive?!" I was a bit angry now, but I knew I wouldn't stay that way; I couldn't stay angry at Brandon. He smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, man." I shrugged it off sighing.

"No big deal, man."

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Brandon, Joey, and Carolyn. I was dreading going home, but I didn't have a choice. Their father, Cole, kicked me out. I made slow pace getting home. Bass slunk up beside me out of nowhere and I decided I wasn't going home. I wasn't going to get yelled at for being hurt.

_a/n: sorry, this chapter is kind of short, and that I used the same word quite a few times (cough home cough, lol) but I didn't want to go into anything for the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and sorry it took WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY long to put this chapter up. I had writters block and school has been so demanding. Lots of homework, but today was the first day of spring break, so I have a week off, though I don't know how much I'll get up here. Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Until then_

_ Stephanie_


	11. Lucky Break

_a/n: okay, so I feel really, really guilty. I haven't updated in a while (WRITER'S BLOCK!) so I figured I'd do you all justice and let you read the next chapter now... sighs hope you enjoy it, because the next one probably won't be up for awhile. )_

My luck held out until I made it to the beginning of our driveway. Then it started raining. That's just great; I hated rain, and so did Bass. I snuck up to the house. Looking into the window, I saw Ashley and Jessi on the couch. Dodger was pacing, and he kept glancing out the open door.

"If he's not back in five minutes, I'm going out looking for him," it gave me a blow to the heart to hear the worry in his voice, but I didn't care right at that moment; I was leaving. With his words in mind, I sprinted to the barn.

I had five minutes to tack up Wind Dancer and get out of there. Bass followed me, his tail wagging, even though he didn't like getting wet that much. That's how loyal he was.

I managed to get out of there in my five minute time limit; Dodger's first instinct would be to check the barn. I spent most of my time there, or out on the trails, so I was afraid I'd get caught before I even started out. My luck held again. I pulled Wind out into the paddock and started out towards the miles of fields we owned.

Bass followed closely behind. I didn't really understand him. He didn't seem to mind Dodger, but he wouldn't stay in the same room with him if I wasn't there. He wouldn't listen to either him or Jessi; it was kind of nice that he was my loyal mutt. Mine; he was the only thing I could actually call _mine_. Except for Austin, and even then I hadn't paid fully for him. Dad helped pay more then half. That was before he had started drinking, though, and if I remember right it was before Mom died, too.

I steadied myself as Wind cleared the fence into the next field. Bass squeezed under the last bar on the fence, and we started across a large clearing where we had broken Rain; Rain was a rogue mustang, and we had broken her for Jessi. The grass had never grown back even after she had calmed down enough to ride.

I went on for miles like that; Bass trotted along beside me, occasionally loping along to catch up. In less than two hours I was in my small sanctuary. It was a cave on the far side of the plateau that covered much of our farming land. The plateau wasn't large, by any means, but it was big enough to hold a small cavern and a short system of tunnels throughout it.

I had discovered it a year ago, and I had never told anyone about it, so I was confident that I would be left alone.

I think Bass was happier than I was when we ducked under the overhang that covered the entrance. He shook off the water that had managed to penetrate his thick fur, and he curled up into a tight ball by a small fire pit that I had made. He was accustomed to doing that; I had come out here often in the winter to think and try to work out some problem or another that I had.

I tied off Wind and struck a rock and a piece of flint on the pile of dry timber I had stacked in the middle of the fire pit. Instantly it erupted into flames, and I stretched out beside it, gratefully letting it warm my bare arms and legs.

I thought miserably about Ashley as my clothes dried. I didn't know why, but I was prone to fighting with her. We fought over everything; about everything. I just didn't understand it. I didn't like fighting with her, but I did anyways. It was always painful because, predictably, she would break down in tears; have I mentioned that I can't take it when girls cry? It tears me to pieces to hear their sobs, and it's an awful feeling.

I could feel Bass's eyes on me. They were uncannily sympathetic. "What?" He cocked his head, his ears flopping over. With that look, I couldn't help but smile. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" He whimpered and crawled towards me. "You loon," I chuckled. His ears perked up, and he gave a crooked-toothed grin. "She's a bitch sometimes, Bass. How can I not freak out when she tells me she's wasting her time dating me? How do you think that makes me feel?"

His reply was a low whine. He was staring at me like I was an asshole for talking to her the way I did and that I should apologize.

"Don't look at me like that." As if he understood, he cocked his head the other way. "Don't try and make me feel guilty. I have every right to be mad." And I did; I probably could have handled the situation better, but I, at least, didn't tell her that she was wasting _my _time.

I gazed into the fire; it brought memories into my head that I had tried good and long to burry. It was painful to have them come swarming back like that.

Eventually I fell asleep, though it was more than likely after midnight.

* * *

_I sat behind the door of my room; tears streamed down my cheeks, and Dodger hugged me close. Jessi had entered awhile ago, and she sat on our feet. We both had one arm around her, trying our best to comfort her, even though we needed as much comfort as she did._

_"Goddamn it, Jillian_…._" I tried to ignore the shouts coming from out in the living room._

_"…Please don't_…." _My mother's voice, sweet, caring, and soft, reached my ears. However, it was coated in fear. Dad was pissed again, and she had come home late from work. Dinner hadn't been made quick enough, and he was hungry._

_Jessi let out a quiet moan and cried steadily into my t-shirt._

_"Don't, Frank_…." _Mom's words had become clipped and short. Suddenly she screamed, and at the same exact time, Jessi let out a wail that would put even a good coon-hound to shame._

_All I could think about was what might be happening out there. A scuffle was taking place; the noises of furniture being thrown around proved that._

_Everything suddenly went quiet; then there were feet pounding on the floorboards. The door began to swing open and-

* * *

_

_I was lying in the bed of a truck. Somebody's soft fingers stroked through my hair, and a gentle voice repeated words I couldn't understand as I bounced hard on and off the firm floor._

_Bass had his head resting on my chest. His breathing was coming in slow and long breaths. He was sleeping. I softly touched his fur, and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. _

_Suddenly I moved a foot off of the bed, and as I came down, I whacked my head. The pain was intense for a moment, and then-

* * *

_

Nothing. Black and nothing else. I dreamt no more.

_a/n: sorry about this taking so long to get up. I've been slacking on it; writer's block is a real drag, isn't it? Hope Blaise is giving you a nice story to follow. He sends his best regards! (lol.)_


	12. Pleading Plunders

_A/N: Please please please please please please please don't shoot me! I had a major case of writer's block, and I totally forgot I had this chapter waiting in my docouments. I'M SO SORRY! Hope you enjoy, and I will get chapter 13 up soon. I promise!!_

_ Stephanie_

* * *

I moaned softly, trying to make sense of where I was. I knew one thing for sure: it wasn't where I had fallen asleep. 

Something warm, wet, and sticky suddenly coated my fingers. I opened my eyes and grimaced as I realized it was slobber. Dog slobber….

Bass whined softly, and I shot a look in his direction. He had his head nestled by my legs, and he looked as if he was in utter bliss. I ran my fingers gingerly over his nose. It made him sneeze and I suppressed a chuckle. I didn't want anybody knowing I was awake.

The door began to creak open, and I snapped my eyes closed. However, my curiosity got the better of me, and I cautiously peeked out a fraction of an inch.

I nearly cried out as somebody shook my shoulder.

"Oh!" a girl's voice resounded in my head. I realized then that I had a massive headache. I groaned again. Knowing that pretending to be asleep was useless, I figured I might as well make as much noise as I wanted to.

"Where the hell am I?" I demanded, determinedly not looking at the girl. I didn't care if I knew who she was or not, if she wanted me to know who she was, then she'd tell me.

Without answering me she scurried to the door. Leaning out of it, she called the two names I didn't want mentioned.

"Dodger! Ash! He's awake!"

"Shut up, Jess!" I growled angrily. I didn't want to talk to anybody, and the scrambling coming from outside of the hall told me that I was definitely going to have to do some talking.

"I'm not Jess," she replied softly, sitting on the edge of the bed I was nestled in.

"Then who are you?"

"Look at me, Blaise. Look at me and you'll know." I did as I was told, figuring I didn't have much choice.

"Lyn?!" I said in amazement. "What am I doing here?"

"Brandon and I went out looking for you when you didn't go home. Dodger called," she answered my unasked question. "You had a fever, and I wouldn't let them take you home, so you stayed here. They haven't slept much; any of them. Why didn't you go home?" I looked away from her. I didn't like seeing worry in her eyes. "You can always talk to me, Blaise."

"I was afraid Dodge would-" I stopped abruptly as my family burst through the door.

"We were afraid you'd caught pneumonia!" Jess cried, throwing herself at me. I hugged her half-heartedly. She wasn't my problem, my brother and Ashley were.

"Can we have a minute, Jess?" I stiffened at Dodger's voice.

"Don't hog him!" she warned dangerously, then flounced out of the room. Carolyn followed, but I had yet to see Ashley. I nearly called out to them as the door closed, but I forced myself to keep silent. I didn't want to talk to Dodger.

"You scared us, Blaise," he whispered after an awkward break in sound. "Why didn't you come home?"

I didn't answer; instead I threw back the comforter and slid off the bed.

"You're sick, buddy. Stay there." He sounded sad, for some reason. "Look, Blaise. I don't want you to-"

"Don't want me to what?" I snapped back. I didn't wait for him to finish, but I didn't want to hear what he had to say, either. "You know what? I didn't come home for a reason, Dodge, and I-"

"Please, listen for a second. Please…." Whoa! I wasn't expecting him to _plead_…. I stopped, waiting for him to continue. "You don't

realize-" he broke off; his voice choked in emotion. "You can't even _imagine _how worried I was, Blaise! How-" he suddenly kicked the wall in absolute anger. I flinched at the resounding echo. "How the hell could you run off like that?! I can not _believe _that you would even think about it! We care for you so much, and when you disappeared…." he trailed off, his eyes flashing with a furious fire. "You are so ungrateful when it comes to family, Blaise. Jess nearly hyperventilated herself from crying last night! Ashley threw up she was so upset!" He glared at me. I had been carefully showing no emotion on my face. I wanted him to let it out, and then I could go wallow in my own self-pity. He should respect how I wanted to deal with the problems thrown at me. "You don't even care, do you?! You don't even-"

"-I hate you," I growled. He stopped, mid sentence.

"W- w- what?" he stuttered slowly.

"I. Hate. You." I spaced each word firmly and directly. "That good enough for you? That enough emotion?!" I ended up yelling. The look on his face broke my heart, but I wasn't going to let him know that. He was a pain in the ass; he needed to know how I felt about that.

"Blazy, you don't mean that…." Hope was laced in through his words. And I made sure to stomp them down quickly.

"How would you know? You don't understand what I go through sometimes, Dodger. You don't understand that sometimes I need to get away." He shook his head, like he was trying to convince both of us that I didn't mean what I said.

"I'm sorry, Blaise. I didn't mean to hurt you… I only wanted you to make up with Ashley so that you didn't have to sulk. It brings us all down, buddy." I shot him a look.

"Ashley told me our relationship was a waste of time, what was I supposed to do? Grit my teeth and take it? If Sandy told you that, would you take it?!" I instantly regretted what I had said; Sandy had told him that he was wasting her time at one point, and it had nearly killed Dodger.

"I did take it, Blaise. I waited it out, and I let her cool off, and I took it as she dished it. Ashley isn't much different; they're nearly the same-"

"No." I interrupted sharply. "She is different. She's different than any girl I've ever been with, Dodge. She can be a bitch; and she is, more often than not, and I sure as hell ain't going to let her talk about us being together like a comment on the weather. If you ever thought otherwise, you're a goddamn fool." He bowed his head.

"I-" He broke off, looking up at me; his eyes were pleading. "Will you just talk to her? Please, Blaise. We all need you to talk to us, but she needs you the most right now, Blaise. She needs you."

"Well I sure as hell don't need her."

"Yes you do," he whispered.

"Like you would know," I shot back venomously.

"When we found you, she was so upset she-"

"I don't want to here it, really I don't! If she wanted to talk to me, she'd do it herself. It just pisses me off more that _you _are talking to me about her."

"She's afraid to-"

"I don't give a damn. I don't care if she's terrified of me; if she wants me to know something- if she wants me to know that she _loves _me, and that she _cares _for me- then she's going to do it herself."

"Fine," he snapped angrily, turning on his heel and storming to the door. He exited, and I let out a tired breath; I wasn't feeling too hot….

He came back a few moments later.

"You want her to talk to you, then here she is." He pushed my girlfriend forward and closed the door; well, actually more like _slammed _it, but in any case, it was closed, and I was trapped.

I gave her a once over. Her face was streaked with mascara and tears, and here eyes were red and puffy.

My stomach clenched with guilt, but I shook it off. I turned around and took up staring out the window. I flinched as soft hands rested on my shoulder.

"Blaise," she whispered. "We-" she broke off, swallowed, and tried again. "I need to talk to you." I gave a quick jerk of my head, and then waited.


	13. Breakups and Banter

She sighed softly and slid her hand down my arm. I pulled my hand away from hers as she tried to interlink our fingers. I shook my head, and I could feel the pain in her touch.

"Don't touch me." She jerked back and I heard the bed squeak as she sat on the edge of it.

"I'm sorry, Blaise. I'm so sorry."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am! I love you, Blaise! I-" She paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"A helluva lot better, obviously."

"Why do you act like this?!"

"I'm not acting like anything. You are just overreacting."

"Me?! _Me _overreacting?! Who was the one that ran off for half the night?! Who was the one-" I shot her a look that silenced her.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get. Out."

"Blaise-"

"Get. Out. _Now_!" She didn't move, so I spun around and yanked her up by her arms.

"Ouch, Blaise, that hurts!"

"I don't care. Get out, and stay out. You and me… We're done, Ashley. Don't come back." I shoved her out the door and slammed it behind me. I could hear her sobbing even as the front door slammed and she ran towards the road. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt like I thought it would.

I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling, my hands behind my head. I had no idea what the hell I had just done, but I knew I would regret it in the long run.

I closed my eyes, determined not to feel guilty. She was a bitch. That was the bottom line….

"That was a lousy thing to do," Jessi bounced in, sitting next to me on the bed.

"No it wasn't."

"Yeah, it was. You should have seen her face."

"I did."

"And?"

"She looked like shit." Jess chuckled and hit me playfully.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" I smiled in spite of myself.

"Yeah, I know it. Sorry."

"Dodger's raging."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He almost busted up the wall in the living room. It took Brand and Joey to hold him back."

"Joey helped?"

"Yeah." She giggled. "Brandon held him back mostly, though. I think Joey got a little scared when Dodger started growling."

"What?!" My eyes snapped open and I looked up at her. "He started _growling_?!"

"Yeah. Weird, huh?"

"Definitely."

"Um… I got this out of the mail this morning before Dodger could. He wouldn't have given it to you if he had his hands on it." She pulled a letter out o f her pocket."

"Who's it from?"

"Ben." I shot up and took the letter hurriedly from her. I had been waiting for this letter for more than a week. I ripped open the envelope and tossed it aside. Quickly I opened the tri-folded paper and began to read.

_Blaise,_

_How've you been, buddy? This week's been hell on me. Dodger called us up and told us what happened. I'm sorry, I really am. So much has happened since our last letters, and it's been hurting everybody. I might as well tell you. It might make it easier to get it out on paper than it would in person. It won't show if I break.  
You remember Ponyboy Curtis, right? From the last time you came up here? He's the one that lives a street or so over. Well he and his friend, Johnny Cade -you remember him too? He was the one with dark hair and didn't talk much- ran off and killed one of the Socs. Dallas Winston- the one that almost knocked your teeth out- had them go out to Windrixville to stay while he tried to fix everything up here. He got hauled into the cooler for awhile, but they didn't have anything to hold him against, so they let him out after he told them that Pony and Johnny had headed out to Texas. It was hell for the rest of the time. I got jumped a couple of times, along with the rest of the greasers. The Socs didn't take well to being bitten into like that. If that even makes sense… they didn't like the fact that Bob, the Soc who died, had died at mercy to greasers._

_While they were in Windrixville, something happened. Pony doesn't like to talk about it, so I don't have all the details, and not much of a clue that happened there, but I know some. He said when they came back from having lunch the church they had been staying in was on fire. I guess a class or something had gone there for a fieldtrip, and a couple kids happened to get stuck in the church. Pony and Johnny went in to save them. The good news was that they got the kids out; none of them were harmed, the kids, I mean. Pony got out alright; Dally's jacket saved him from burning…. Johnny wasn't so lucky. While he was trying to get out, a support beam fell and broke his back. He suffered from severe burns, too._

_They all went to the hospital. Dal knocked Pony out, I guess, so that's why Pony went when he wasn't hurt much. At the end of that week, there was a big rumble to define territory and property and other shit; greasers against Socs. Dallas broke out of the hospital; he had to threaten the nurse, but Two- Bit's trusty knife did the trick._

_I'm happy to say that the greasers won, but that same night we lost. We lost Johnny, and we lost Dallas._

_Dally took Pony to see Johnny after the rumble. Pony was pretty bad off, but it didn't matter. Johnny was real sick. He died as Dallas and Ponyboy told him the outcome of the rumble. Dal told him he was proud of him. That's all Johnny ever wanted. The kid absolutely idolized Dallas Winston, and all he ever wanted was for Dallas to be proud of him._

_Dal broke. He was a rough guy, and only cared about himself. Or, that's all he let on. When Johnny died, he lost all that he cared about. He lived for Johnny, and with Johnny gone, he lost everything._

_He killed himself. Robbed a store and pulled out the heater he carried when the cops caught up to him. It wasn't loaded, but his record was so awful they shot him down. He died instantly. No suffering, but Pony's taking it really hard. Like I said before, we all are. _

_Dallas wasn't the best guy in the world, and to be honest he scared me, but he wasn't all bad. And Johnny… Johnny was a great friend; he was quiet, but he saw what everybody didn't, and I miss him. Pony does, too. He hasn't been the same since their deaths. I hate seeing him like this; unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it._

_To make matters worse, Sodapop and Steve got draft letters in the mail the other day (well, they aren't exactly draft letters… it's just a notice saying that they'll get drafted when they turn eighteen… but it's still awful). All of them, Darry, Soda, and Pony are ghost white all the time. Soda and Pony haven't left each other's sight since the letter…. Soda leaves soon. He's almost seventeen, but I don't believe they'll wait till he's eighteen before they draft him. Damn government. Steve is going at the same time, but he hasn't been with Soda in awhile. I'm guessing he's spending time with his dad; either him or Evie. I feel real bad for all of them._

_Randy won't get one; he says it's because he's taking care of me. I don't know how that works, but I can't complain. I can't stand him sometimes, but I don't know what I'd do without him. I think I'm going crazy. I don't want Soda to leave either. He's what's been holding the rest of the guys together. I don't think Two-Bit's cracked a joke since Dallas died. It's all very depressing. I've been really afraid something else will happen. But I'm trying to forget about it for the time being._

_I've got something a little less sad…. Randy bought us plane tickets to come see you! And they're for, er, next weekend. Well, by the time you get this it will be two days until we come…. I hope that's okay. Give me a call if it's not. And I hope it's okay that Soda and Pony come too. Randy and Soda are pretty close, and he wanted to give them a little vacation before Soda left…. Don't tell Dodger that Soda's coming. He doesn't know that Dodge is with Sandy, too…. I'm afraid of what will happen between them, but I don't want to think about it, so please don't tell him. Hopefully Sandy won't come around, but that might be a bit much to ask for. I'll stop being a kill joy and talk about something else._

_How's Ashley? Sorry, that's another damn subject that'll hurt you…. Sorry. _

_Here, how's this? How is Jessi and Dodger? There we go, no hard feelings about them… right? Gosh, I hope not._

_Randy's calling me to dinner, and I have a ton of homework that I need to do before tomorrow, and the mail's supposed to come while I'm at school, which bites, so tell them we said hello. Randy says 'make sure you tell Dodger that we're coming in on Saturday.' God, he's such an ass sometimes…. But until then, thanks for reading my letters and being my best friend…_

_That sounded corny, but whatever. Don't tell Dodger Soda's coming, and whatever you do, don't tell Sandy. I have to go, but until Saturday…_

_Your friend,_

_Ben Michaels_

"How's Ben?" Jessi asked as I refolded the letter and stuck it in my pocket.

"Fine. Er, he's coming here this weekend. With Soda and Ponyboy."

"And Randy?"

"Yeah. And Randy…."

"This weekend?"

"Yes."

"How's Dodger going to react to that?"

"Don't know."

"When are you going to tell him?"

"I ain't gonna."

"What?"

"I'll call Ben tonight, and Randy'll talk to him. I ain't gonna tell him."

"That'll get you into some trouble, Blaise."

"I don't really care."

_A/N okay, this is close to being the last chapter. There'll only be two to four more. I'm sorry for making you all wait so long for these last few chapters. Don't shun me!_

_Stephanie_


	14. Regrets

OMG, guys. I'm so sorry I haven't updated for so long! I've had writer's block and high school drama, and homework, but I feel so bad!

I'm going to try to write the rest of this story tonight, or over the rest of Thanksgiving break. So, hang with me for a few more chapters, and please review. If you want to send me I-hate-you reviews, go right ahead. I just want to know that I still have fans... Thanks guys,  
Stephanie

* * *

I milled around Brandon's house for a few hours after Ashley left. Dodger had stormed out of the house soon after; 'tired of putting up with my bullshit' was his reasoning.

So later that night I sidled through the front door chancing a glance at my brother. He was sitting in the rocking chair watching T.V.

"Where've you been?" I froze in mid-step.

"No where." I took another couple of steps.

"Blaise." Again I stopped. "I'm sorry I lost my temper. I shouldn't have yelled at you; it's just really hard to let you deal with the things I've already been through. I don't mean to get so upset; I know how to handle these situations- and it's hard to have you shrug my advice off. It's just hard.

"Being the 'adult figure' is the toughest thing I've ever had to do. Everything you do- everything that happens to either of you- I have to take responsibility for. It's just scary.

"But it's no right to shout. I'm sorry."

I had to swallow a few times before I could answer.

"It's okay," I managed softly. I heard the floorboards creak.

"Do you mean that?" I turned slowly, unable to look at his face.

"Yeah. I do." Slowly- cautiously- Dodger pulled me into his arms. I buried my face in his chest and nearly started crying. I hated fighting with my family.

"I'm sorry, Blaise; I can't even explain how sorry I am. I love you; I want what's best for you and Jess, and I'm trying my best to do it. It'll take some practice, but I promise I'll get better." I nodded, believing every word to its utmost potential.

He pushed me back and held me out at arms length. He smiled softly at me, his eyes understanding and shining with regret.

"I really am sorry, Blaise. Do you forgive me?" I nodded again; I didn't trust my voice. I tried a smile at him.

"I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed…." I turned to go, then stopped. "Did Randy or Ben call, by chance?"

"No… why?" I bowed my head sheepishly.

"They're coming in this weekend; I thought they would call and talk to you about it…." Dodger sighed. He distractedly ran his hand through his hair.

"Eh- you go to bed; I'll call Randy and talk to him."

"Will you be to bed soon?"

"Yeah; very soon. I promise. Are you feeling okay?" I shrugged. Truthfully, I was feeling like I didn't want to be left alone ever again in my life.

"I just… yeah, I'm fine." He looked at me skeptically.

"Alright. Go lie down." I nodded and started back towards my room. I stripped down to my underwear and then threw a pair of shorts on; the heat was getting to me.

I laid there for two hours before Dodger came in. I know because I counted every minute and I couldn't get to sleep for the life of me. When he finally came in, I didn't speak for a long time; nor did he.

Then finally:

"You're excused from school for the rest of the week."

"What?"

"Randy and Ben managed to get an earlier flight; they'll be here early afternoon."

"Oh?"

"Um hm. Blaise…."

"What?"

"Never mind…. Randy said he was bringing some others. That okay?"

"Fine." My stomach clenched in guilt; but I couldn't tell him Soda was coming. There was no possible way that I could tell him Soda was coming.

For one, Soda and Dodger didn't get along real great; and for another, each thought that Sandy had dumped the other. So, in short, it was best not to leave them alone with each other.

"Are you sure you're alright?" There was a lie forming on my lips, but I couldn't bare to let it out.

"No." I rolled over onto my back, and he moved to the edge of the bed. He looked down at me worriedly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I bit back a sob and shook my head.

"No," I croaked out.

"Why are you crying?" I looked away from him, ashamed of myself. "Blaise, bud, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm sorry for everything."

"What are you talking about?" His voice was real soft, and cautious. "Why are you sorry?" I sniffed, unable to breathe for a few moments.

"I screwed up! I screwed everything up!"

"No. No you didn't screw anything up, Blaise. You didn't."

"Yes I did, Dodger! I screwed everything up because I was bored! I should- shouldn't even be here right now!" I hiccoughed painfully. "I should be dead-"

"Don't say that," He growled harshly. "Don't you dare say that! You should not be dead! No one should be dead!"

"Then why is Mom dead?!" I knew I shouldn't have said it. I KNEW it!

"I don't know why she's dead. She just is. That doesn't mean she should be dead, or that Ben's daddy should be dead. They just are."

I had braced myself for a blow, and I was surprised when Dodger's soft voice came instead. It had the same effect, though. It had me sputtering for breath and choking on my own tears.

"Blaise. Blaise, now stop it." I swiped the back of my hand over my eyes, but it was stupid because more tears replaced the ones that were lost. "If you don't stop it you're gonna get sick."

I tried my best to calm down, but hell if it was gonna work. Five minutes later I was leaning over the toilet. Seeing my dinner again made it worse. I upchucked everything in my stomach, plus some.

The whole entire time I was leaking tears. I felt like an idiot. I never cried. I never showed weakness. Never.

And yet, here I was, making a huge scene because I was crying. _Crying_!

Dodger came in and draped a cool washcloth over the back of my neck.

"It's all right, bud," he said softly; soothingly. "Take it easy. Let it all out." He kept talking until I was just kneeling on the floor panting.

I managed to climb to my feet and flush the toilet. Dodger gave me his wake and I pulled the bottle of mouthwash out from underneath the sink. I nearly threw up again when I swished it in my mouth.

"You go on back to bed now, okay?" I nodded, feeling worse than before I got sick. "I don't want you up again, you hear? Wait 'till morning to see how you're feeling. Don't you get out of bed." I tuned him out and laid down, the washcloth over my eyes.

The next thing I knew I was being blinded by the sun.


End file.
